Down with chocolate hearts and roses
Okay, so just in case the proliferation of roadside flower signs, heart-shaped things and various pink and red doodads haven’t clued you in, it’s Valentine’s Day. And that means it is time for my annual anti-Valentine’s rant. But first, let me make one thing perfectly clear, this is not I’m single on heart day bitterness. I like being single on Valentine’s Day which is why I propose that we should all be single on Valentine’s Day. So in honour of this lovely consumerism-laden holiday I bring you: why you should break up with your significant other for Valentine’s Day.
1/ It’s economical. Think of how much money you can save by not having to buy your boyfriend/girlfriend etc flowers or chocolate or jewelry. Spend it on something more useful instead, like a square tire.
2/ It’s environmentally friendly. Okay, we’ve all watched affluenza right? And if you haven’t that’s your homework. We know that today’s consumer habits are destroying the environment. And official consumer days like good ole V-Day are big contributors to the problem. So do your part this year and do nothing. Mother Earth will thank you.
3/ It’s good for your grades. It’s the middle of February which means one thing: MIDTERMS! Having a significant other on Valentine’s Day only means feeling obligated to plan and do something special when you really ought to be studying. Your GPA will thank you.
4/ V-Day is bad for the relationship. Come on admit it, how many of you out there have planned something spectacular for Valentine’s Day or expected something spectacular only to be let down? Then you get mad at your boyfriend/girlfriend over it and nobody’s happy. Valentine’s Day is like any consumer product, disappointment is built in.
5/ It will make your friends happy. Nothing makes unhappily single people more bitter than seeing their friends in super sappy relationships, especially on Valentine’s Day. Trust me, your best friend does not want to hear about what Mr Right Now did on V-Day and telling her is only going to make her bitter and resentful.
6/ A billion roses will thank you for not getting needlessly slaughtered.
7/ You won’t break out from the excessive chocolate consumption
8/ Romantic comedies are way more entertaining than the real thing. So rent Sabrina instead and revel in the Hepburn/Bogart love.
9/ Angsty songs are better than love ballads. Let’s face it, wouldn’t you rather listen to I hate everything about you than Everything I do I do it for you?
10/ You can feel good about going against the crowd. Be a nonconformist!
Disclaimer: The writer is not liable for any failed relationships resulting from this post.
1/ It’s economical. Think of how much money you can save by not having to buy your boyfriend/girlfriend etc flowers or chocolate or jewelry. Spend it on something more useful instead, like a square tire.
2/ It’s environmentally friendly. Okay, we’ve all watched affluenza right? And if you haven’t that’s your homework. We know that today’s consumer habits are destroying the environment. And official consumer days like good ole V-Day are big contributors to the problem. So do your part this year and do nothing. Mother Earth will thank you.
3/ It’s good for your grades. It’s the middle of February which means one thing: MIDTERMS! Having a significant other on Valentine’s Day only means feeling obligated to plan and do something special when you really ought to be studying. Your GPA will thank you.
4/ V-Day is bad for the relationship. Come on admit it, how many of you out there have planned something spectacular for Valentine’s Day or expected something spectacular only to be let down? Then you get mad at your boyfriend/girlfriend over it and nobody’s happy. Valentine’s Day is like any consumer product, disappointment is built in.
5/ It will make your friends happy. Nothing makes unhappily single people more bitter than seeing their friends in super sappy relationships, especially on Valentine’s Day. Trust me, your best friend does not want to hear about what Mr Right Now did on V-Day and telling her is only going to make her bitter and resentful.
6/ A billion roses will thank you for not getting needlessly slaughtered.
7/ You won’t break out from the excessive chocolate consumption
8/ Romantic comedies are way more entertaining than the real thing. So rent Sabrina instead and revel in the Hepburn/Bogart love.
9/ Angsty songs are better than love ballads. Let’s face it, wouldn’t you rather listen to I hate everything about you than Everything I do I do it for you?
10/ You can feel good about going against the crowd. Be a nonconformist!
Disclaimer: The writer is not liable for any failed relationships resulting from this post.
posted by Megan at 4:00 PM
1 Comments:
Happy V-day. Be glad you don't have VD!!
Thank god that's over. Now back to being angry and angst filled for less specific reasons.
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